As a tribute to my American co-worker’s fantasy of becoming a Canadian I figured I would write about the biggest and most super duper incredible American spokesperson in the history of the United States of America! Being the intelligent and rational Canadian that I am, it is really hard for me to understand why this so called “American Hero” is so popular but I thought “you know what lets give him a chance”. I can’t be wrong about Toby Keith, I just can’t! How is it possible that someone with a song called ‘Beer for my horses’ is not the greatest thing to come out of the big Red White and Blue?

If you’re just as slow as Toby, you probably didn’t get the sarcasm in the first paragraph. So now that I have made it clear, let me tell you the truth about my feelings for this overly patriotic load of semen his mother should have swallowed. He is what makes everyone else on this green earth hate Americans. It’s unfortunate that he was actually given a chance to make it big and I think his talents would be better used to videotape cows and sheep having sex with each other. I mean it’s not so different than what he’s doing now which is keeping farmers and rednecks happy.

I now know why there is pain in my co-worker’s voice while she is complaining about her immigration status to be updated. If I was an American and Toby Keith was yelping about fucking his dog and adding more horsepower to his American made pickup, I would want to become a Canadian as fast as possible.

Oh Canada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!